I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
