i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
