guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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