dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
