3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
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