I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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