ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
