This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
