I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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