i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
