Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
