I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
