My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
