this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
