I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
