I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Randomize
