I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
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