I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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