When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Randomize
