i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Randomize
