hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
