just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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