you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
