The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
