Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
