TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize
