There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
