when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
