It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
