batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
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