She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
