I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
