I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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