My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
