it's too hot outside to masturbate.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
