cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
