Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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