did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
