Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
