Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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