Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
