i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
