Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
