this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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