made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
