Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
