I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Randomize
