Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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