The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
