Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Randomize
