So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
