my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
